'I've eaten at The Floating Log almost every night for the past twenty years, but now they're working on the roof, and if you try and eat there you get plaster falling into your dishes!

'I refuse to eat there while the repairs are going on. I mean, honestly! I have my standards, and for mushroom pies I demand they be plaster-free! Is that too much to ask? I think not!

'If you know a worthy cook, I'd pay you for two mushroom pies, with coins and goods. I still need to eat, you know!'